Hooey!

There are not six hours that go by without somebody on the internet telling me that after a certain age life as I know it is O-V-E-R.

That’s pretty interesting because mine was supposed to O-V-E-R 14 years ago after three bouts with cancer.

Obviously, I am still here...But I digress.

I’m told life as I know it is O-V-E-R because I have just embarked on a new wondrous chapter of my life for which I have been waiting since I was 20.

Ahhh, I don’t think so. When I was 20, I was studying and practicing my profession and doing a few other things that I enjoyed immensely. Wink. Wink.

But I don’t think that’s exactly what all those messages mean.

I think what they really mean is that compared to the sweet little old ladies portrayed in a million cartoons, women of a certain age today do the things that polite society would not allow them to do when they were 20 – or 30 or 40 or 50.

You know things like cruising down the Amazon, scuba diving for shark teeth in Florida or riding a camel in front of the Egyptian pyramids.

As they depict them, women in their 80s and 90s hike up and down the Appalachian Trail like they were walking their dogs down a city side street, bungee jump in some forest somewhere and get named to the Guiness Book of World Records for lifting weights.

Hooey!

Let’s face it, I am absolutely certain that the women who accomplish these feats are either few and far between or more mentally challenged than physically fit.

Now I’m not ready to become an old fogey. I wear snarky clothes, makeup my face, get an edgy haircut and can still talk my way out of a ticket for exceeding the speed limit.

But bungee jumping? I wouldn’t have done that when I was 20. And hiking? Well, I’m happy to make it a mile down the street before it gets too hot to do it.

In fact, I defy anyone to do the things they did when they were 20 and actually still want to do them – except my pal Ron Heath who is still racing motorcycles at the age of 82.

Personally, I’m pretty happy these days to avoid breaking a sweat over much of anything.

Including making small talk.

I talk to the people who make good conversation and avoid the morons who couldn’t carry one in a bucket.

Also, I no longer fall all over myself to answer the phone now that I am - at last - off deadline. Hell, I don’t carry it in my pocket anymore. If you want to reach me, you’ll call back.

These days, I happily snuggle down in my own living room with my hubby, my dog and a good movie, and have absolutely no fear of missing out on anything.

There is absolutely nothing I miss about being 20.

Except smoking.

Boy, do I miss smoking.