Indespensible

Yesterday some woman who had written one of those so-called “self-help” tomes suggested that the quickest way to reduce stress and achieve personal bliss is to “erase” certain less than pleasant portions of life including run-ins with less than kind people with whom interaction is unavoidable.

According to her, by deliberately forgetting all those unpleasant things – insults included – pointed my way by those people, I could socialize with them as though I had never before met them.

And she wrote, they in turn could spend time with me as though they had never met me before.

Interesting. And it could work so long as you are the kind of person who could, in fact, erase large portions of your life.

I have never been good at such a thing. I’m pretty well rooted in what was, what is and what will probably be. A 50-plus journalism career covering crime and politics will do that to a person.

Instead, I’ve learned that there are certain aspects of my life that I cannot – and will not – live without.

Here are some of them.

Respect -

There are all kinds of people who do not like me. But even if you can’t stand the sight of me, you’d better respect me.

I’ve had experiences you cannot even imagine, seen things that are the stuff of nightmares and met people who taught me about the world beyond my hometown block.

Furthermore, I probably don’t much like you either, but I still respect you anyway.

Lifelong friendships -

Some people have been my friends for 70 years. Others for more than 50 years.

Whether they are patting me on the back or calling me out there is a kind of comfort in those relationships.

The reason is simple – people cannot bullshit someone who has been part of their lives all their lives. Over the years they’ve seen all your flaws and witnessed all your strengths. They know just about everything you’ve done with whom and to whom.

They probably know your parents and the rest of your family, too.

You cannot get away with anything. Don’t try.

Meaningful conversation -

A meaningful conversation need not be a serious one, but it must indicate that those participating in it know something - anything - about the world or even their neighborhood and how they work.

Intimate conversations -

Any conversation limited to the weather, the color of someone’s shoes or what they ate last Tuesday is not intimate.

In order to engage in an intimate conversation participants must know each other – what they dream about, what they fear, and what they believe. I’ve had plenty of superficial conversations, but not with anyone who really knows me.

Good food -

I’m Italian. In my family everybody cooked – my mother did, my father did all my aunts and uncles and cousins did. As a result, I cannot live without good food – whether I prepare it or not.

But I cannot abide bad food that is expensive. Or pulled pork.

Coffee -

Finally, I cannot live without coffee.

The strong, almost chewable kind.

Having said all that, I’m going to a dinner party on Friday.

We’ll see how much erasing I can do before then.