ROI

Last week one of my editors caught me up on the lives of her daughters, one just out of college, one in the midst of her college career.

“Young people these days are different than they were when we were in college,” she said. “We just went; they want to know what kind of return they’re going to get on their investment in a college education.”

Wow! She’s right. We did just go. Everybody did. And even though I knew what I wanted from that college experience, I never, ever looked at what kind of return I would get on my educational investment.

So, she got me thinking about that ROI thing as applied to lots of stuff.

Stuff like this:

Politics –

Yeah, I dunno. If Franklin and Adams – especially Adams – and Jefferson were to tell it, the ROI on American politics ought to be enormous. But I’m from Chicago where crime and politics are frequently the same thing, and the ROI for the average guy is not very much.

Housekeeping -

I know people who absolutely revel in dusting and sweeping and scrubbing. I do those things but believe me I derive little pleasure from any of them.

Nevertheless, I invest hours each week keeping a decent house. The ROI in that investment is for me limited to not feeling anything beneath my feet when I walk through the kitchen.

Having said that, any investment would have made my mother happy.

Practicing ‘Diplomacy’ -

All my life people have told me that I would “catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.” Really? No one could ever prove it by me.

That’s mainly because I am deeply invested in the truth. Sugar-coating it is – as far as I have always been concerned - the same thing as lying.

Even so, I will probably tell you that you look better than you do, are smarter than you are and are welcome when you are not just to make you feel better.

As a result, ROI on my practice of diplomacy is scant. Very, very scant.

Friendship -

I like everyone else has acquaintances. You know, people you cordially greet on the street but would never invite in for a visit. Friends are different creatures altogether.

I’ve very few of them and most of them are the kind of people in whom I enthusiastically invest not just my time but my concern. These people are in my life. It’s a “Through sick and sin” kind of thing.

As importantly, these people have seen me in a bathing suit.

In those relationships, my ROI is immeasurable.

Restaurant dining -

A check of $350 for dinner for four. The food was hideous.

ROI – Zero.

Kinda makes you love homemade comfort food, don’t it?

Marriage -

Depends on who you marry.

I’m just saying.